Monday, October 09, 2006

B.I.C.L.O.P.S. Decoded

I apologize for not posting any new information for so long. It seems that, even with what little information I have given in my profile, already B.I.C.L.O.P.S. agents have managed to track me down. Rest assured, good soldiers, that I have escaped their clutches, but only after digging up my roots in Cornea Falls and moving to an undisclosed location somewhere very far away. A legal name change, gender reassignment, and three painful plastic surgeries later, I'm back to bring you the biggest information yet on the B.I.C.L.O.P.S. front: we have decoded the their organization's name.

For as long as we have known about their nefarious brotherhood, no one was ever knew what the name B.I.C.L.O.P.S. actually stood for. Sure, we'd all get together at the bi-monthly meetings and each take a stab at it, but we could never be sure. But now, thanks to a confidential and reliable source, I am proud to bring you this; our common enemy revealed!

B.I.C.L.O.P.S.- Binary Individuals Committed to the Lasting Oppression of Primitive Sub-Species

There you have it, friends. B.I.C.L.O.P.S. demystified. We are growing ever-closer to exposing these worms to the light of day, and crawling out from under their slimy, asexual thumbs. Primitive, are we? Committed, are they? Oh, we'll have them committed. Committed to an early grave.

Thank you, as always, for your patience, soldiers. I need to apply some ointment to my many recent facial and genital scars. For you see, they burn white-hot with the fires of freedom.

- Tidwell Murdock

Thursday, May 04, 2006

Fausto Ivanov Arrested after Assasination Attempt on President Tripp

Cyclops convenience store clerk and Russian immigrant Fausto Ivanov (pictured at left with prosthetic eye) was taken into custody this past Friday outside the Maulington Convention Center for an apparent assassination attempt on President Tripp, on the day the Commander-in-Chief announced that America would be going to war with Eyeraq. Authorities took down Mr. Ivanov in an abandoned book warehouse across the street from the convention center, where they also found a 16-year-old boy, whose name has been kept quiet. No charges will be brought against the boy, but Fausto is currently being held without bail in a Maulington prison, awaiting trial.

The reason this story is so interesting to us here at "The B.I.C.L.O.P.S Conspiracy", is that Fausto is rumored to have been rambling about a "secret two-eyed society" when he was taken out of the book depository. He claimed that President Tripp was the head of this fraternal order, and that their main goal was to "keep the cyclops down", and "maintain two-eyed supremacy throughout the world". These claims were not officially reported, of course, but we have inside sources. This, of course, is no news to us, but it is the first time such a drastic action has been taken against B.I.C.L.O.P.S. The impending Eyeraqi war undoubtedly triggered Ivanov's reaction, so are we to expect more outbursts like this? Will it lead to a greater awareness of the cyclops plight in this country? Is this the first step towards exposing B.I.C.L.O.P.S to the masses?

More on this as it develops. In our next entry, we will delve even deeper into the organization's history. Until then...

- Tidwell Murdock

The B.I.C.L.O.P.S Conspiracy- Ancient Insignia Revealed!

In our inaugural post, we here at "The B.I.C.L.O.P.S Conspiracy" blog are proud to bring you the first-ever clear image of the B.I.C.L.O.P.S logo. I'm sorry, but I cannot reveal how we came into possesion of this image. Note the twin pyramids, representing two-eyed supremacy. This is a historic event. I cannot overstate the importance of this find.

Forgive my haste, but several events have taken place in the last few hours that will be of great interest to true believers in the great B.I.C.L.O.P.S Conspiracy, but I need a few hours to sort through them and ready my report. In the coming months, I will be compling all the information I've collected on B.I.C.L.O.P.S over the years in this blog, so keep checking back for more info. And if one day you check in and the site has been removed, I think you'll know why.

More later.